Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn is about to turn the big five-oh, and wants to celebrate. Described as "a star-studded cavalcade of the debauchery, Geritol and adult diapers," Flynn's birthday show will be held July 22 at the Oakland Metro.

A statement from the band says, "In honor of the inglorious occasion, the youthfully challenged yet chronologically gifted frontman will be celebrating with a concert performance on Saturday, July 22 at The Metro Operahouse in Oakland, Calif. and features a cavalcade of D-List rockstars, has-been’s, and never-was’s, such as F--kin’ Joe Cabral and Robb himself."

They continue, "The debaucherous, alcohol-drenched event will likely be viewed by future generations as 'the greatest show of all-time,' and is sure to make him an official charter member for the 'Old Farts Hall of Fame!' He only turns half-a-century this year, don’t miss this once in a lifetime event!"

The ball busting has already begun, with Machine Head explaining that Flynn will soon be a Quinquagenarian, and issuing this explanation:

  •  In Led Zeppelin terms, that's halfway up the stairway to heaven!
  •  In fact, at 50, he’ll spend more time trimming his nose hair than his head hair!
  •  Hell, the best form of birth control for Robb at this is point, is nudity!
  •  At 50, he's entered the Stone Age... gall, kidney, and bladder.
  •  He’s seen it all, done it all… but can’t remember most of it!
  •  That’s right, his back goes out more than he does!
  •  Turning 50 means he's so old that "doing it three times a night" is how many times Robb get's up to pee!
  •  At 50 he’s stiff in all the places he doesn’t want to be, and needs a pill to get stiff in the places he does!
  •  Christ, his wild oats have just turned to porridge!

Tickets for Flynn's birthday extravaganza go on sale this Friday, May 12 at this location.

Robb Flynn Birthday Bash

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