5 Songs for the iPhone 5
With Apple's long-awaited announcement of the iPhone 5 earlier today (Sept. 12), the world is set to go into a frenzy again. With the release coming on Sept. 21, you'll be living in a tent for days outside your local Apple store, braving the infinite line of iAddicts, and after an anxious, paranoid and caffeine-fueled wait, you'll come out the other side with a beautiful new iPhone 5. You'll gaze upon its glory, test out the newly designed earbuds, download every app of your desire and load your contacts list with the numbers of your loved ones. You'll be the envy of all your friends who are locked into a two-year plan and have to wait another 10 months to get their hands on an iPhone 5. And then, all of a sudden, your face will be imprinted with an ear-to-ear smile as you receive your very first iPhone 5 phone call…
‘This Is a Call’
With unparalleled glee, you hit that familiar green button on your touch-screen and greet your caller. What joy! It's your sweetheart on the line, but the slurred, indecipherable nonsense you hear makes you realize that the first call you've received on your new iPhone 5 is, in fact, a drunk dial. Enraged, you scream obscenities that would make Phil Anselmo blush, ending your verbal assault with one simple request…
‘Call Me When You’re Sober’
As you utter the title of one of your favorite Evanescence songs, the urge to slam the phone down overcomes you, and suddenly, you're left with not only a crack in your new iPhone screen, but an overwhelming sense of stupidity. But it's okay, there's nothing wrong with some iPhone battle scars. Suddenly, your phone rings again and you pick up immediately, but of course, it's a dude trying to sell you fake Rolex watches for 10 cents on the dollar.
‘Don’t Talk to Strangers’
The deal seems too good to be true, but you could use a few bucks to buy a new screen for your iPhone. So after some thought, you're now left with a busted iPhone, an empty bank account, and 10,000 watches being sent to your doorstep. Before you know it, your phone is ringing once again. It's your lover, and to put it lightly, things aren't looking so pretty. This is not gonna go well…
‘Number of the Beast’
As you answer the call, an unimaginable volume of drunken rage begins to blast through your iPhone as your significant other unleashes a demonic wrath upon your eardrums. Dizzy and disillusioned, the words strike you like a viking hammer to the face as you stumble incoherently around your studio apartment, causing you to trip over and crack your head on your bathroom tiles. Though your injuries are severe, your iPhone suffers an even greater fate.
As you wake up on the bathroom floor with a splitting headache, your new iPhone 5 is nowhere in sight. Scrambling to find your misplaced phone, you suddenly realize that there's only one place left to look. As you gaze into the depths of your toilet, there lies the prize you had waited so patiently for. Having suffered an 'Electric Funeral,' you've been left without your precious iPhone, and thanks to your recent business endeavor, no money to buy a new one. With your head hung low, suffering the most heartbreaking loss of your life, you let out a quiet sigh in memoriam of your iPhone 5! Okay, cut! Perfect everyone, that's a wrap! Get this footage to the editing room in time for the release of the iPhone 5! Great job, everyone, drinks are on me!