Don Jamieson is a guest contributor to Loudwire. He is the co-host of That Metal Show, which airs Saturday nights at 9PM ET on VH1 Classic. You can also catch Jamieson on the stand-up comedy circuit. Keep up with him at his official website or his Twitter page. Please note that Don Jamieson’s opinions do not necessarily reflect those of Loudwire. Check out his list of the Top 10 Songs About Drinking:
Don’t you just love all those hard rock and heavy metal songs about sobriety, non-violent confrontations and responsible sex? No? Do you know why? THERE AREN’T ANY! None, zero, zilch.
Yep, bands like to drink, fight and f--k! And then write about it. I mean how exciting would it be to listen to George Thorogood’s ‘One Coffee, One Soda, One Tea’, ZZ Top’s ‘Root Beer Drinkers And Do-Gooders’ or Dead Kennedys ‘Sober Enough To Perform Intercourse’? They don’t quite have the same ring do they? You’d have to be DRUNK to enjoy those songs.
While sobriety does hold an important place in many people’s lives, it has NO place in these 10 drunken ditties:
‘My Moonshine Kicks Your Cocaine’s Ass’Jackyl
Choose Your Poison: Moonshine
Liquor Lyrics: “In the backwoods in Georgia on the side of a hill I fired up my great grand daddy’s old still…”
Jesse James Dupree and co. have always wore their inner-lumberjacks on their sleeves and this one about the merits of crudely distilled hayseed spirits is one of their hillbilly best.
Choose Your Poison: Tequila, Whiskey
Liquor Lyrics: “I drank a bottle of tequila and I felt real good I had the tape deck roaring…”
This cult classic from the Ian Gillian-era Black Sabbath documents the extreme dangers of drinking and driving. The Highway Star meets the open bar.
‘I Wish You Were a Beer’Cycle Sluts From Hell
Choose Your Poison: A Beer
Liquor Lyrics: “Hey there poser, I wish you were a beer…”
They were sluts, they hung out with Motorhead and they wish you were a beer. And if I were, I’d expect some perfect head.
‘Got To Give It Up’Thin Lizzy
Choose Your Poison: Alcohol
Liquor Lyrics: “He made it to the end of a bottle sitting in a sleazy bar…”
Phil Lynott’s personal and revealing lyrics always gave fans a glimpse into the life of the complicated genius. The poetic version of “I’ll never drink again” set to music.
Choose Your Poison: Whiskey
Liquor Lyrics: “Well I’ve been lying here all night just thinking of you / But a bottle of whiskey lies heavy obstructing my view…”
The same condition I was in after hearing DL’s ‘Make Love Like A Man’ for the first time.
Choose Your Poison: A worthless liar, imbecile
Liquor Lyrics: “Why can’t we drink forever, I just want to start this over…”
This tune likens drinking to a worthless liar and imbecile that makes every promise empty. Which reminds me, it won’t be long before the 2016 Presidential candidates start hitting the campaign trail.
‘Take Your Whiskey Home’Van Halen
Choose Your Poison: Whiskey
Liquor Lyrics: “She likes the good life, only the best but I like the bottle better than the rest…”
Between Diamond Dave downing a bottle of Jack every night on stage and Michael Anthony playing a JD bass the name of the band could’ve easily been Van Daniels.
Choose Your Poison: Gin
Liquor Lyrics: “It’s cold gin time again, you know it’s the only thing that keeps us together…”
Ah the magical properties of gin. If only it could’ve kept the original members of KISS together.
Choose Your Poison: Moonshine, Gin, Whiskey, High-Balls
Liquor Lyrics: “An El Paso hellhole I couldn’t get higher / White lightning moonshine tastes like fire…”
So not only can you go blind from masturbating but from drinking too. It’s a wonder I can still see.
‘Have a Drink on Me’AC/DC
Choose Your Poison: Whiskey, Gin, Brandy, Sour Mash, Cheap Wine, Tequila
Liquor Lyrics: “Whiskey, gin and brandy with a glass I’m pretty handy…”
The ultimate party song hands down. This is your bachelor party, New Year’s Eve AND St. Patrick’s Day all rolled into one tipsy tune.