The Ghost Inside’s Jonathan Vigil: ‘Going to Shows Is Hard’

The Ghost Inside suffered a tragic bus crash on tour in 2015 that left each of the band members facing significant physical challenges and recovery time. While the band hoped to be back in time to play Vans Warped Tour in 2017, they still have yet to be able to take the stage together since the accident. That's something that does not sit well with singer Jonathan Vigil, who offered a very open assessment of his feelings in a new Instagram post.

The singer starts, "Being completely honest and transparent, going to shows is HARD. And I don’t mean hard in the physical sense because most venues, staff, security, patrons and show goers are very accommodating to handicapped or injured people. What I mean is it’s just hard... being here. It’s hard to know what we were and what we could be. I admit, I don’t go to shows as often as I should. As often as I want to. As often as I need to. But there’s a reason for it."

He continues, "It stings me. It hurts me. It’s bittersweet being here. I feel cheated. I feel wronged. I feel obsolete. Seeing a band play and knowing we had it. Knowing what we had. I had it. Watching a band play with a feeling of jealousy that I shouldn’t have but just can’t shake. It eats at me. I think to myself, 'I did everything I could. I was that kid in the crowd singing along, aspiring to be up there. I worked hard and I did it. I got there. Like everyone else up there did. So how come they get to run around onstage when I won’t ever be able to run again? I can’t even walk on my own.'"

The vocalist adds, "I’ve experienced loss before. Loss of innocence. Loss of youth. Loss of a loved one. But this loss is something I can’t seem to do anything to cope with. It’s a hole that won’t close. It’s like sitting around and watching a movie about your life, knowing how it’s going to play out and screaming for it to be different but you’re not the one with the mic anymore. No one can hear you."

Vigil concludes, "They’ll be lots of extremely kind sentiments, comments, wishes and thoughts on here. They always hit me and the words do help. The support is there absolutely, but it doesn’t end what I feel. That’s the honesty and transparency of this all. It’s like, would you go into something knowing the only outcome is heartbreak?"

Last September, Vigil underwent surgery on his ankle after hoping that it would heal on its own proved unsuccessful. The singer had to have his ankle fused in order to fix the ongoing problem. "I couldn’t live every day being in constant pain anymore," stated the singer just after the surgery. "I wanted to believe that my ankle would get better on its own despite what my doctors, friends and family were saying to me. The downside is huge loss of mobility but the upside is much less pain." In addition to Vigil, each of the band members have undergone a number of surgeries since the crash, with guitarist Zach Johnson having his twelfth surgery since 2015 in May of last year.