Heavy Metal Unicorn Lawyer Sings Into My Butthole Legally is the name of an actual book. It's not just some arbitrary, cockamamie title either — it really does involve heavy metal.

The 33-page book, which was written by Chuck Tingle, centers around Jorbit, who just can't deal with the daily grind anymore and his soul-sucking job working banker's hours. Even with every weekend off, Jorbit's social life, about as brimming as room temperature coffee, is in absolute decay and in dire need of pulse-quickening shot of interactive adrenaline.

Reinvigorating his off-the-clock lifestyle, Jorbit goes out to watch Horns of Heck, who are described as "heavy metal giants" in the book's synopsis, yet they're resigned to playing a local club. It must've been a special intimate gig like when Guns N' Roses booked the Troubadour right before going out and killing it in stadiums around the globe. Good for Jorbit.

Anyway, it's there where Jorbit meets Grimble Chorns, the unicorn lead singer of Horns of Heck who doubles as a lawyer. They spend the next five years engaged in legal fisticuffs, fighting the system to legally allow Grimble Chorns to sing into Jorbit's welcoming anal cavity, bringing harmonic bliss to their unlikely relationship.

Presumably, there was a pre-existing law preventing this sort of thing. To err is human, right?

"This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on gay unicorn action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and rock and roll lawyer love," concludes the synopsis and this brief length makes Heavy Metal Unicorn Lawyer Sings Into My Butthole Legally the "quickie" of reading.

Purchase here to stimulate your winter reading list and discover the fate of Jorbit and Grimble Chorns.

A little note on Chuck Tingle — he's not some inter-fantasy-species-championing no-name. His erotica has even been featured on @midnight, the Comedy Central show hosted by Chris Hardwick.

Heavy Metal Unicorn Lawyer Sings Into My Butthole Legally Book Cover

Chuck Tingle

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